My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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