it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
