I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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