I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
