Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
