I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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