dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
