Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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