i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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