Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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