Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
