I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
