We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
