dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
