I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
