Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
