Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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