Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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