well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
