Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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