Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
