Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
