After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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