Only a mothe r could love this liver
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up under a house in Key West
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