just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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