Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
