Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
