Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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