I want to have your abortion
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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