i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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