Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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