I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
