If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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