She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We need to rekindle our bromance
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
