it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
