I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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