Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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