So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
