I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
