Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
