Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
