I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink