I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.