Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
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So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"