I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
