Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
