If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
