sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
