I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she peed on how many people?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
