You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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