I need help removing her.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
