fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
