My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
