When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
