i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
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You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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