I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
