Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize