i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
