you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The Olympian is in my bed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
