i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
