we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
