Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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