You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
