Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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