Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
