I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
