why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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