In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize