What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
